Thursday, November 29, 2007

A Small Confession

So, I have a small confession... After being a stay-at-home mom for 2+ months now, I kinda miss my job as a nurse. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being at home with Clayton. I have really enjoyed being able to plan things with him (music class, story time, playdates, etc.). I have had more fun with him in the last few months than ever before. I definitely do not want to go back to my previous job. I am perfectly content and feel enormously blessed with the way that things are now. There are, however, some things that I miss about my job.

First of all, I miss that look that people used to give me when I answered the question that everyone always asks, "What do you do for a living?" Whenever I answered, "I am a Pediatric ICU nurse." I felt like people respected that. They always responded with a furrowed brow and a, "Wow, that must be really hard." Now, whenever I answer, "I am a stay-at-home mom." I just don't get the same look. It's more of a raised eyebrows look followed by, "Oh, that's nice..." I'm sure that I am reading too far into that, huh?

I also miss my paychecks. :) Don't get me wrong, Wade makes a really great living and all of our needs (and most of our wants) are totally covered. I just miss looking at the bank account and knowing that I earned part of the money that was coming in. I never felt guilty buying myself clothes or frivolous things, but now I do. Wade is incredibly supportive about me staying at home. I know that he doesn't see it as "his" money at all. But, for some reason I can't get over that....

The final thing that I miss about being a PICU nurse is knowing that, at the end of the day, I had something to show for my work. I had 12 sets of vitals signs (more on a bad night), 12 assessments, and a child that survived another night (despite the fact that they were critically ill). Now days, I feel like I am running around all day long, and rarely have anything tangible to show for it.

I have been pondering all of this for the last few weeks. The other day, I was thinking about this subject during those precious 30 minutes of quiet TV time that Clayton gets after his nap. I was laying on my bed with him and we were watching Diego. He looked up at me and said, "Mommy, you're my best friend." I realized then that money and notoriety really don't matter to me. I will probably never own the latest iPod or wear designer clothes. I may not have a beautiful home with the latest model big screen TV or drive a really nice SUV with all the bells and whistles. I may not get the hottest new purse or wear shoes that cost a small fortune. In fact, I don't have an iPod at all. I buy my clothes at Old Navy or Target. I live in a 1900 square foot rent house. I drive an '03 Honda Accord that has multiple scratches and dings (but will be paid off in August - YEA!). I continue to carry the same purses that I have had for years (none of which cost more than $30). I wear shoes that are not trendy or expensive. I don't have any clout or a high power position in any company. What I do have is a 2-year-old that considers me to be his best friend in the world and an amazing husband that realizes that what I do on a day-to-day basis is a "real" job. That, my friends, is worth more than any amount of money or respect. There will be time to accrue all of those "things" one day, but I can never buy back this time that I am spending with Clayton. So... I am going to step back and learn to be content with the present and not to wish for the future. On the days when Clayton pushes every button that I have, I am going to remember that he is only going to be little for a short time. That is my new goal. ;)

5 comments:

Kati said...

That seriously made me tear up (and it takes alot to do that these days)...so sweet...

leslie said...

Sara,

You know I get what you are saying after being a stay at home mom for 7 1/2 years. When you come to terms with this is what God has led you to do it is hard to truely imagine not doing it. You know we have had many conversations about this very subject and each time it comes back to how can I not make it work ? You were so pivital in your nursing career and we are recipiants of that job. We are grateful for the job and care you gave Danyelle and will treasure that forever. Now it is your family's turn to enjoy you full hearted in who you are. We miss our playdates with you and clayton but we are happy for you that this desire has become a reality. May God bless you in your new adventure and put people in your life to only encourage you and your decsions. Please come and see us if you get a moment.

Leslie

Anonymous said...

This was really great - thanks for sharing (and making me cry!:)
Tiffany

Albus Adventures said...

You do a wonderful job with Clayton and I do recognize that it is a job. He is a precious little boy that will one day fully understand and appreciate the sacrifices you make for him every day. We love you!

Matt & Cindy Fleharty said...

Love ya, Sare! Youre a great mom!!